It’s ALL my husbands fault, seriously…

It’s Tuesday – but feels like Monday in our house.  I’m always very lucky that way, I get 2 Monday’s every few weeks because my husband starts his work week on a Tuesday.  I start mine on Sunday… wait, that gives me 3 Mondays.  WOW.  Lucky, Lucky, girl.

Anyhoo… third Monday, here I am, sipping my coffee, ready to start my workday.  Now, I love coffee.  It’s seriously not like “I need a coffee to wake up & shit”… it’s like a moment where you are transported to another existence.. one filled with unicorns, onesie’s, sunshine, happy people.  Coffee.  That’s what it does for me.  I’ve heard heroine does the same thing.

I decided it was time to quit. Yes.  Quit.  Not because coffee is bad for me.  But because I drink too much of it.  So I decided that “quitting” my morning coffee was a good idea.  See it’s not the coffee… it’s the unicorns, onesie’s and sunshine that was causing me delays in getting my butt moving in the morning. ” Oh this heavenly coffee is just so good I should have another before  I do anything else, that’s clearly a good idea.”  Oh, unicorns… wait, no it’s not unicorns, it’s Facebook.

GodDamn, Mother F&^%ing Facebook.  15 mins meditating, 3 coffee’s, 30 mins of journaling, 1 hour of Facebook… what day is it?  Where I am supposed to be?  Clearly, it’s the coffee’s fault.


Yeah, it’s not me.  It’s not old habits dying hard.  I mean, I quit.  Last week.  I quit coffee first thing in the morning… meditate, walk, workout, then coffee with breakfast.  And it’s been going great!  I love my mornings again, the unicorns aren’t f’ing with my zen.

But then, like all great love stories, coffee came back.  And it was husband’s fault.

And it all started because of the second Monday, which is actually Monday but kinda like his Sunday (follow me?).  Now, he does our “Costco” run which is truly why I love him, but I clearly need to rethink this relationship… I mean, he’s OBVIOUSLY sabotaging me.

Hubs: “Do you need coffee?” (while peering into the pantry)

Me: (giggling nervously, I haven’t mentioned my morning breakup with coffee and that I’ve been considering a complete breakup, except when I’m out, since the morning thing went so well). “No, I don’t need Coffee”.

Hubs: ” but there’s none here”

Me: “I know, I’m kinda like maybe like trying to like, quit”.

Hubs: Laughing uncontrollably “Seriously, though, what kind do you want”

Me: “seriously, none”

Hubs: “Seriously, I’ve lived through you without coffee once, its a bad idea.  What kind do you want?”

Me: “Seriously, don’t buy me coffee, if I want one I’ll get the occasional one when I’m out.”

Hubs: silence.

Me: Silently, I’ve won this battle.   No coffee in the house.

3rd Monday this week.  I wake up, 15 mins of meditation and a morning walk.  As I’m preparing breakfast (clearly not needing coffee and not engaging with unicorns in an alternate universe) so I’m getting shit done.  I open the pantry for dog treats and the first thing screaming in my face is a giant costco size bag of coffee beans.


“That mother f&^%er”.

Here I am, sipping on coffee, and it’s all HIS fault.  If he had just listened to me, I’d probably be blow drying my hair now, but no, I’m writing a blog post about coffee, still have’t brushed my teeth.  It’s ok though because I wasn’t engaged with unicorns in an alternate universe and I’m being productive by writing a blog that has nothing to do with anything but it’s a blog and looks like work, riiiigggghhhhttt?

Justification: she’s a close friend of blame.

Now, I am sitting here laughing, because the truth is.  I had no real intentions of “quitting” coffee.  My goal is to quit my morning coffee, not because it’s bad for me, but because I’ve created habits and patterns that interfere with my morning routine that’s more important than getting lost in FB for the morning.  So coffee went so I could increase my productivity AND get more water in my body in the morning before having it.  It’s working and completely worked this morning, until that first delicious sip.

But you’d agree with me, right?  That it’s his fault?  That he didn’t support me in my goal?  See, I’d beg to say that he knows me better than I know myself and I’d be screeching out of here by 10AM to go get a coffee. HA.  Son of a B&^%.  Hates it when he’s right.

But do you see what we do there?  As humans?  It’s so easy to find the way to blame the husband for bringing in the coffee, the junk food, the cookies, the crackers, the beer, the wine… blame is easy and justification is a close friend.  Well… it’s just one… there’s always tomorrow… if HE didn’t have to buy it, then this wouldn’t have happened.

It’s not my husband’s fault that while brewing coffee I justified sitting down with a cup to write a blog post – it’s “work” after all!  A cup that I said I wouldn’t have until this afternoon.  It’d be easy to blame him, but in truth, it’s all me.  Just like all of the other decisions that I make.  Just like yours.

It’s on us.  We each can take responsibility for our actions, choose to learn from them, laugh at them, and move on, continue to work toward our goals, or we can sit in blame and justification and being right.  Or we can own it.  Take accountability, ownership and make changes if we want to and not if we don’t.

But we can’t blame others for that.  No matter what they do.

Now for that 2nd coffee… I kid I kid, I brewed only enough for one.  Ok, now I’m lying, I brewed enough for 2.  Shut up, there’s unicorns waiting…



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