Tonya, Uncensored & Fear

Wild Ones,

I’ve decided to migrate this blog to my official website.  And I’ll tell you why fear held me back for so long.

When I started this blog site it was a way to write again.  I used to write.  I had a scholarship for writing.  I was doing an English major until the end of my 2nd term in University where a career counsellor basically told me I was unemployable and writing was only good if I were going to be a researcher or teacher.

I wanted to be neither.

Yet, I am both today 😉 ha.  In a different capacity than I thought of those roles back then.  So I quit and moved to a Sociology Major.  I also took criminology.  No surprise that these fascinated me, as I’m obsessed with human behaviour – why we do what we do.

I digress.

I wanted to write and at the time I was writing fitness, weight loss blogs on my website and the type of soul baring raw, gut wrenching I wanted to write wasn’t for my website.  I didn’t know where it fit.

Little did I know that my writing would be what helped me find myself and my real purpose, eventually causing the closure of TW Fitness and opening of Wild Souled Wellness, running International Wild Souled Women Retreats, getting published in various publications like She Knows And Elephant Journal.

I was scared to write my blogs on TW Fitness.  I was scared people wouldn’t understand.  I was scared people would leave.  I was scared that it didn’t fit or didn’t belong there.  So I created this blog site and wrote there – sort of in secret.  I shared them.  And I started sharing them with my mailing list and on Facebook.

Eventually the transition became so clear that I knew I had to let go of TW Fitness.  It was no longer the right fit.  The branding had changed and what I did wasn’t represented by the TW Fitness brand anymore.

Now it seems so long ago, even though it was less than a year.  But the time is right to reclaim all of myself, like I teach others to do, and without fear publish my raw, real, say it like it is blog posts on my official website.

Fear isn’t part of this decision.  Certainty and knowing is.  I know it’s time to stop separating and compartmentalizing and picking and choosing what I share where to help keep me safer.

My writing is a huge part of my healing journey… the journey that allowed me to heal eating disorders, weight problems, business and personal development challenges… writing helped me understand myself and through my writing I help other people understand themselves.

Sharing my own journey was something I was once ashamed of.  I held onto the persona, the image that I had created of myself, for so long.  I wasn’t ever going to be one “those girls” who “overshared”.  I lived in shame for other people who did that.

I never wanted to do it and so separating it from my business helped me keep that persona alive for some time.  The one who acted like she didn’t give AF.  But ya know what?  I do give AF.

My stories aren’t made up.  They are a very real testament to the power of the mind, emotions, not feeling, bottling up emotions and the fall out that happens.  My stories of uncovering my own blocks, the work I’ve done was learned in texts, yes… but the real lessons and values were learned in the day to day application of that work…and the understanding and healing came through my pen.

That’s the very work I do with my clients and so sharing of these blogs on my business page only makes sense now.  Because it’s an official letting go of the persona of the tough don’t give AF girl.

I give all the f’s. I care.  I care about people.  I care about community.  I care about justice.  I care about people hurting – myself and others.  I help people find their truth, uncover their emotional blocks that inhibit their professional and personal growth and I help them re-pattern it.

And I do it through sharing myself and my stories. And I did it on this blog because it was “safer” somehow – which is really silly because I was posting them all over the place.

It’s time now to let all compartments of my life blend together.  It’s time to own the person I’ve grown into… and maybe she’s not always the cool AF, don’t give AF girl… but she’s the real me.  The one who cares sometimes too deeply, the one who gets hurt too easily, the one who gives people too many chances… And the one sometimes who has a tongue so sharp it could severe and artery.

I’m far from perfect.  I no longer strive to be.  I face both the dark and the light inside of me. And I teach others to do the same.  And my writing is how I bridge that gap.  My writing is how I truly found the real me.  Writing is also how I help even more people understand themselves, their own darkness, their own light, their own challenges, limiting beliefs, sabotaging behaviours.

And so it’s fitting to move this to my website , and it’s time to own all of myself in both my personal and professional life. No more fear of being misunderstood or wrong for sharing my stories.

Shame lives in silence.  Fear holds us back and keeps us small.  But only as long as it’s allowed to.  I wasn’t ready until now.  I was still finding my own footing and grounding myself in my own authenticity.

My next blog will be about laying down the persona of not giving AF… and it will be published first on my official blog here –>>

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It’s been an honour and privilege to have you read these blogs and share in my journey and I hope you’ll continue to share in the journey as life is always a journey and growth requires new levels.  All of my new levels will be always documented in writing because I make sense of my life through my pen.  And if it can help you make sense of yours, then I’m happy to share.  I wasn’t always happy share.  I distinctly remember being told once that this was path and purpose to which I screamed “I don’t want this, I want to be normal” ha.  Like that was ever a possibility.   I still hold a lot of myself back.  Not everyone has earned the right to hear all of my stories.  And that’s my freedom of choice to share what I’m ready to share…

And as I’m ready, you’ll be the first to read it 😉

When we share, we give others the courage to share.  And when we inspire courage we inspire change.  And when we can change ourselves, we can then change the world.





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