They tried to break you. They did everything to take your power. You were buried in darkness. But they didn’t realize you thrive on darkness, the darkness is where you grow and learn and become.
The world can be a cruel place, but we know that don’t we? You and I learned that lesson long ago, too young. Taunted and hurt, feeling too much, wearing your heart on your sleeve, just wanting to make everyone feel better.
Shocked when it was all thrown back in your face, insults and put downs slung at you. You learned quickly how to avoid it, how to side step it. You got off the track. You made way, you made yourself small for those who wanted to crush your light.
I’ve often wondered why some people who are hurt, hurt others and others who are hurt, try to heal others. It’s the most fascinating thing – to see how people can suffer and process it so differently. You were hurt by people who were hurting.
And you wanted to make it better. You brought flowers that were mocked. You bought gifts that were laughed at. You changed yourself to be more pleasing. You tried to fit into the box they wanted you to be in.
And then you tried to be invisible. You got off the track and let them steam roll you. That seemed to be the only thing that worked. If you got out of the way, let them have their way. But even that didn’t work. Your very existence is a torment. You carve your own way. You tell yourself you don’t need them. You build walls to stop the hurt. You build armour to stop the bullets.
You shut down, piece by piece. You close. You wither and slowly die. The light that triggered them so much within you, gone. That doesn’t make them happy either. And it sure didn’t make you happy.
Numb. Nothing. The sea of it engulfs you. You go through the motions. You complain. You are exhausted. Nothing ever goes right. You hate yourself, your life, you feel like a fraud and someone will find out you are worthless, after all.
This nothingness was good once upon a time. It helped you close from the pain of feeling the rejection, the hurt, the not good enough. But now it takes everything that is important to you. You can feel the separation, the film between you and others, between you and the world.
Everything is colourless. There is no sadness, no hurt, no pain. There is no happiness, no passion, no joy. Just a sea of nothingness. You see others living, having fun, playing and you envy them. You push them away. You find things wrong with them, so you can stay separate.
It’s come full circle. Have you become the person who once dulled your light? Something wakes you up. You can feel the pain coming in. The pain you thought you had closed yourself off from. But there it is. The barriers you put in place to protect you have now become the bars that imprison you.
You can feel yourself caged. You know life isn’t supposed to be this way. You can’t breathe and you need out but you threw away the key when you swore you’d never let anyone hurt you again.
But you know you must escape, something has opened you up, your soul is calling. The whispers are there. It’s knocking and you want to open the door but you’re terrified. What if you don’t know how to be? Who are you without these walls, these barriers? What if they’re all right and you’re a loser, a nobody? What if you don’t fit in and then you’ve traded in all of your walls only to want them back?
At least here – you know. You know who to be, what people want and expect from you. You know how to brush over, how to people please, how to give but not let anyone in.
But you can’t stay here anymore and you know it. The knocks have gotten louder, the universe is shaking around you. It wants you to wake up. You want to wake up. And while you struggle you can’t stand the pain anymore – the pain of loneliness, anger, separation, disconnection.
We all have needs. Human needs of love, connection, variety, significance, certainty. There’s only so long you can meet these needs in an unhealthy way, disconnected from yourself to protect yourself from hurt. Life is going to hurt. Pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice.
You can’t take the suffering anymore and you want the key to the jail you’ve been living in. But the key is inside of you. The key is found working through the hurt, the stuff, the life experience, the trauma, the pain, the perceptions, the fears, the failings, the stuff you did and the stuff others did, the belief systems, the ways of being… all of that stuff – your keys are under that.
Your freedom is possible. You’ve got some digging and sifting and understanding and letting go to do. But your freedom is there. With each layer, another bar comes away. And one day you’ll realize you’ve freed yourself.
When you find the key you’ll find your fierceness. You forgot about that, didn’t you? You forgot that you once stood hands on hips, spitting fire. The world conditioned it out of you in an effort to be more ladylike, more civil, to fit in, be pleasing.
You forgot your fierceness. The world told you it was unbecoming. So you let it go. You became what was normal, what made others happy. And all of it took your light, your brightness, your sparkle.
But as you work through each piece, you will find more of that fierceness. And you will remember who you are, who you were, who you have always been but have just forgotten.
And you’ll remember you didn’t need armour. Because you had power. They tamed you. But not anymore.
There’s a fire in her soul, a spark in her heart and a knowing of who you are. Rise, woman, rise. You weren’t born to fit in. You weren’t born to fit the mould. You weren’t born to keep the status quo.
You were born to upend the world. You were born to shake and rattle all that isn’t real within each of us. You were born to rise, to change the world and the rotten foundations it sits on.
Rise wild woman, rise.
For within you is a fierce, strong wild souled warrior who is dying to get out. She’s clawing and spitting and scratching and she won’t rest until she is free. She’s been silent for too long. Now is the time, your time. Know that you have the strength and the fierceness to face anything, to work through anything, to rise to your soul’s purpose.
You have the right, no – the duty to live a passionate, connected, wild life. The wild is within you and it’s time to set it free and live your own wild souled life!
PS… are you a member of the Wild Souled Women Tribe on Facebook? Join us here -> WSW.