Life can be hard. It’s a battle ground sometimes. I remember a particularly rough time I was going through a few years ago, it seemed like everything was on my shoulders at once. I was always the type of person who went through everything alone. I always believed that unless you were prepared for judgements, gossip, etc that you shouldn’t tell anyone anything. And I kept my lips zipped on anything that mattered.
I went through some really tough times alone. Later, when I told my closest friends they were upset that I had gone through it alone, that I hadn’t reached out for a hand to hold. The fear of judgement, the fear of people knowing things I wasn’t sure I was ready to know, the need to pretend it wasn’t real. That was a big one. If no one knew, then I could pretend it was all just smoke and mirrors and push it in the back of the closet where I felt it could just be ignored.
I learned the hard way that what we hide hurts us. That we can only stuff so much stuff down before it pops out like the jack in the box once it was wound so tight. I was like a cat on a hot rock all the time. I blew into and out of a room like the tanzanian devil (ok, I might still be a little like that but my energy is way calmer, more grounded). I left people people spinning and not in a good way.
All because if I was “quiet” then those bits and pieces in the closets of my mind and body would try to peek out. By staying busy I could keep pretending.
Eventually, I snapped. I think it’s bound to happen when you live a life of avoidance, denial, emotionally void, people pleasing, seeking approval all the time. My brain just went hay wire is the best way to describe it. And the only way to heal was to work through the decades of “stuff” I had avoided for so long. There was some easy stuff to work through and a lot of not so easy stuff. A lot of things that happened “to” me and a lot of ways I coped and lashed out and behaved in ways that weren’t really true for who I am.
Always worried if I was “doing it right?”.
As I worked through a lot of the stuff I realized just how terrified of feelings I was. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to be one “those girls”. I didn’t want to be reachable, hurt-able. If I was turned off emotionally then I wouldn’t be at the whim of my emotions. Now I was a bit of an emotional wreck. Life’s ironic like that. The struggle was that I needed to feel but I couldn’t let go to really feel and there was a lot of suffering in those moments. Eventually I came to a process that helped me unlock the hidden meaning behind how I was feeling and how I could reframe it to help me move forward and see things differently.
Every day I got up to focus on 3 things and I wanted to share them with you today in case you’re going through a tough time ever and need a little map.
- Thoughts matter. Our thoughts matter. We have meanings to what we think. Those meanings determine how we feel. Every day I focused on mindset. I would focus on goals I wanted to achieve. I would think of body positive quotes, motivation quotes. I would listen to a motivation piece or do some mantra’s, mirror work. It really made a huge difference to how I felt. Not over night, but over time.
- Physical Health Matters. What we feed our body and how we move our body matters. Often times I couldn’t get into the mindset work or the emotional work but I could move. I could take a walk, do some yoga, hit the gym, prepare a healthy meal, drink water. Our body stores everything that happens to us, and what we think and feel. Movement and nutrition are a non negotiable piece for me to ensure my well being. I could “think” my way through something or I could “work” my way through it. Often getting clarity on an issue post workout. Taking care of your body is a MUST to living your best life.
- Emotional (soul) connection matters. Our emotions tell us a story about how we feel, where we are in life. Stuffing them down only creates a toxic body and toxic mindset and further creates toxic emotions. It becomes a vicious cycle. Feeling our feelings when we’ve been taught not to is challenging but learning to feel what we feel and process things as we go through them is far easier than processing decades of stuff after the meltdown.
Every day I did something for each of these area’s of my life. I focused on created healthy thoughts, focusing on goals and what I want to create. Taking care of my body, even if it was just one small thing and allowing myself to process and feel my emotions. It was a messy period of time and I still at times want to run back to the old way of doing things by withdrawing and hiding and stuffing it all down and pretending everything’s fine.
When something is a pattern it takes time to change it.
Focusing on these 3 area’s have helped me immensely in creating my future the way I want it instead of being a victim of circumstances. When we don’t proactively take care of the 3 area’s of our wellness we have a tendency to slip into unhealthy behaviours and patterns. Every day if you do one thing for each of the 3 area’s of your wellness you’ll find a huge improvement in your overall wellbeing and your moods and what you believe is possible.
When you thinking and feel positive it’s far easier to go after what you want than when you’re caught in a negative dark cloud thinking and feeling. Wherever you are, it’s ok to be there, just know that taking action to help yourself feel better by taking even the smallest of steps forward will help you design your life!
PS… have you seen the 7 Steps to Living A Wild Souled Life Yet? Get it here -> 7 Steps To a Wild Soul Life