Your Not Enoughness

That feeling you get, in the pit of your stomach, that you always did something wrong, said something wrong, are just wrong?

That’s not true.  It’s not real, even as real as it sounds.

How many times have you replayed conversations in your mind, cringing at yourself, wishing you’d said something different, or said nothing at all?  How many times have you sat with the gnawing feeling of having done something you shouldn’t have?

Even though logically, you know you didn’t but the feeling won’t leave you until you berate or distract your lull yourself into some kind of distracted oblivion?

I used to get this gnawing feeling, all the time.  I would read people and perceive things, I suppose even overthinking myself into believing it.  I would clean up other people’s messes, take responsibility for what wasn’t mine to be responsible for, I would look away, make nice, sit down, shut up for my oppressor.

I would roll out the carpet with scathing look that made me feel as if I my very existence was wrong. I couldn’t trip over myself fast enough making up for what I thought was wrong.  Everything was wrong all the time.  I couldn’t do anything right, I couldn’t say or think or believe or do or know …

The theme song of my life was me being wrong.

Until I did the inner work to uncover that it was a deeply embedded belief system “what did I do wrong?” was the question I asked over and over and over in my life.

And when we ask questions, our brains will answer it.  It will bring up all the ways we failed, weren’t good enough, fucked up to remind us that we, were in fact, wrong.

Mine came from a past of abuse, the feeling that something was wrong. I was wrong. What happened was wrong. I must have done something wrong.  It must have been my fault.

Your can come from a lot of places – but we all have a primary programmed question that we ask ourselves over and over again.  If it’s negative, like mine, then no wonder there’s a deep feeling of “not good enough” and “wrong” all the time.  How could it not be when that’s the very question you ask yourself all the time?

If it’s a positive one, then you’re probably on the right path in life to getting where you want to be.  Imagine if you asked, “what else could this mean?” instead of “what did I do wrong?”

Or imagine if you asked yourself “what did I get right?”

The vibrations and emotions that come with those phrases are totally different and we can easily see how different the outcomes we’d have would be if we asked different questions.

The programming isn’t easy to just switch.  There is usually some experience or belief that needs to be uncovered first before switching.  Imagine trying to build a home without a foundation.  It wouldn’t be a good house that would stay structurally sound for long, would it?

The same goes for mindset and emotional set point shifting.  If we don’t uncover the root of the problem then we can’t get it out.  If we try to put a bandaid over it or build a new house on the old foundation then it won’t hold.

When you get into the core of the belief, life experience, questions you have and why you have them, you’ll be able to release it and then build a new foundation, which will hold the new house one day.

But we can’t overlook the wound if we want to heal it.

The world has consistently told us we’re not enough.  That we need to be xyz in order to be enough, to fit in, to be accepted, wanted, validated, understood.

And it’s just not true. You don’t need to be anything but you.  You’re already enough, the only you’re not is because you continue to believe that you’re not.  The only thing that needs to change is your belief that you’re not enough.  Once you believe that you are enough, worthy, beautiful, whole and expect to see the things you want show up, everything will shift.

It will shift from the inside out, not the outside in.  The world has taught us to shift the outside, to blend, to be vanilla, to fit, mould, bend and twist ourselves into some cookie cutter mould that will make us, somehow, enough.

Your not enoughness isn’t fixable from the outside, no amount of weight loss, no amount of contoured makeup, no amount of money, the “right” clothes, car, relationship – nothing external to you can make you enough.  The only thing that can shift that belief is to look deep inside of yourself, pull out everything that’s taught you you’re not enough, examine it, process it, let it go, keep the lessons and burn the rest.

There you will find your enoughness… and it will fit you like the best pair of well worn jeans, that you slip so comfortably into and can’t imagine life without it.

Enoughness awaits you.

You just have step forward to claim it for yourself

Tonya

#staywild

xoxo

 

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