7 life Truths I Learned In Writing & Publishing A Book That Relate To Every Day Life

I wrote a book.  Somehow in my soul I always knew I would.  It kept coming up in my life   but I couldn’t imagine that my first book would be about my own journey of coming undone, my history of sexual abuse, facing who I had became because of it and having to undo all of that to find out who I really was.

In no version of the future I had planned for myself did I ever think that I’d create a life I felt trapped in, that I couldn’t be myself, that I’d regret a lot of choices, decisions I would make, how much shame I would feel, how much I would care about what other people thought.

And I really never dreamed of shedding the layers of what society told me to be, how I changed myself to protect the deepest shame, how I became someone who didn’t give a fuck about anything.

I never imagined I’d be “here”, doing what I’m doing, teaching what I’m teaching, believing in what I’m believing in. I always wanted so desperately to be accepted, loved unconditionally and to fit in. And the very core of the work I do requires me to stand out, requires me to walk the path between the worlds of everyday reality and ancient wisdom.

And that’s not exactly “normal”. I believe it can be and should be, but it’s not mainstream, ya feel me?  My journey to the extraordinary, to a different way of healing, to unpacking my emotional boxes, to moving from the everyday boring reality of going through the motions, to accessing inner power and inner wisdom and using ancient rituals and tools to clear what hurts us, what holds us back, what causes us to give up our dreams….is a wild one.

That journey led me home to myself.  My own wildness – my own drum – my own beliefs – my own realization that if it’s to be, it’s up to me.  That no one can take what we’re not willing to give.  People might take from us but they can’t take our power, our connection, what makes us, us unless we continue to give that power up.

I had a dream of writing.  I was studying English in university.  But I was told by a career counsellor that writing wasn’t a career as much a hobby and unless I did education or research that my degree would be useless and I would be unemployable.

So I changed degrees.

Someone else’s version… truth and reality… fear… beliefs impacted the course of my life.  And that wasn’t the only time.  Imagine how many times someone told me what I could or couldn’t, should or shouldn’t be or do and how that impacted the outcome of my life?

How many for you?  I’ll bet too many to count that we got off our path because of someone else’s opinion.

Th journey of uncovering myself, my real self, uncovered my power, my beliefs, my faith and passion again and gave me the courage and residence to move forward with things I wanted to do.  To listen to my passion instead of my fear, to listen to my inner knowing instead of someone else’s opinion.

And in the writing of my book I had to face it all… the fear of judgement… of being “that girl”… of being crazy… of being misunderstood…of not being able to control the story once it was out there…

But writing it was part of my souls purpose – to share the story of redemption – overcoming and healing using ancient wisdom and practises, connecting to my inner self to deal with the stresses of modern day living – a return to the ancient wild woman.

But writing it was one thing.  Actually doing something with it, another.  That was the true test of my courage, resilience and my willingness to burn for what I really wanted.

I knocked on doors.  I sent inquiries.  I sent letters.  Nothing. Or bad offers.  I could wait and keep banging doors to the end of time, when I had time to give it.  Or I could jump. And I was tired of holding back.  I had the finished book in my hands for over a year.  What was I waiting for?

So I went for it – I posted the pre-orders and campaign on publishizer.  A crowdfunding for publishing platform. Over the last 24 days I learned a lot about myself, my triggers, my own behaviour and other people.

Here’s 7 of the things I learned from writing and publishing my book that are lessons we can all use on the journey of life…

  1. It’s easy to run away, to quit.  It’s human nature to protect ourselves from failure and the shame that comes with that.  Especially publicly when things aren’t going the way we hoped.  When people comment how “personal it is” and “are you sure” – it reinforces the old shame stories, reinforced the fear and it takes depth, residence and courage to stay in the game.
  2. People WILL support you, if you let them. A long time ago I decided I didn’t need anyone.  I decided that I could and would do it all on my own.  Arms crossed, jaw set, attitude in place.  Armour on. I wouldn’t dare ask for help.  I made a contract with myself so deep it might as well have been with the devil himself. Perhaps it was. I always believed no one would show up for me.  But they did.  In droves.  People I haven’t seen in decades.  People I met for 5 minutes.  People I have known my entire life. People I don’t know and have never met.  I shared my dream, I shared my book, my life story, my wounds and my trauma.  And I asked for help.  And it came. Even from people I have no doubt that I hurt with my sharp edges many times.
  3. Some people will never support you. Who fucking knows why?  They’ve got their own triggers and shit going on in their lives, their own drama and traumas.  Perhaps your success triggers them.  Perhaps they hate your guts.  Perhaps they always tell people they do something, show up, support them, but they don’t. Whatever the reason, there will always be people you think should support you or promised they would but don’t, won’t, can’t.  Let it go. Those are not your people. They are your best teachers, though.  Their attitude toward you shows you their relationship with themselves.
  4. What you focus on is what you get. Energy flows where focus goes is one of my favourite quotes because we can focus on the good stuff, celebrate each success or we can focus on the failures, the ones who aren’t there, what didn’t go right, what didn’t manifest, what we believed in that didn’t come true… or we can get to the bigger picture – the 30,000 foot view.  We can focus on the good, not the bad.  And that is a game changer in writing and publisher a book, our relationships, our friendships, everything.
  5. Don’t ignore the bad. Sounds like a conflict from #4 but it’s not, trust me. Hear me out. We can focus on the good.  We can realize someone else’s stuff is about them.  But we also get to set boundaries.  We get to decide who we want to be around, what energy we want to be in.  And in the words of one of my best friends “if they aren’t there when you need them, if they can’t support you, can’t show up for you, then you’ve got to assess who they are in your life.” So much truth my friends… you can accept that someone’s behaviour isn’t about you.  You can focus on the good things that happen, but don’t be a fool.  Don’t keep letting someone drain you, steal your thunder, not show up for you, over and over and over again.  You’re not their fucking oxygen tank. Don’t make it mean anything other than what it is.  And let go.
  6. Celebrate – for christ sake this is my hardest piece. I have a tendency to look at the end goal and race there.  I forget that sometimes there is the 30,000 foot view.  I forget to celebrate every single one instead of focusing on what’s not there yet and awfulizing what might not come. Let it go.  Do your best and realize that what’s meant to be will be.  Nothing can stop destiny. And if it’s destined, it might not look like your idea, your version.  Get into the vibe, the head space, the celebration space.  Celebrate every single one, because otherwise it’s not enjoying the process and that’s the point, right?  The process! I know, I forget too. All. The. Time.
  7. Believe. Faith is believing even when you can’t see it. Hold onto it.  Because when you set yourself a giant dream, things are gonna get rocky, you’re gonna come up against your walls, you’re gonna wanna run away.  It’s gonna hurt to grow through it.  You’ve got to be willing to go through the pain of it.  You’ve got to hold onto that blind faith that it’s coming, that it’s happening for a reason and that you’re prepared for the life you’re heading into. Believe it to see it, not the other way around.

Look, I know this is hard stuff sometimes.  Allowing yourself to deal with, to step out of your box, to get uncomfortable.  I know it’s easy to see the fault, look for blame.  I’ve done this a lifetime.  But it’s only when I clear, when I use all the tools I have to work through the pain of it, to let myself feel the fear, the disappointment, the failure, the uncertainty… then to let it go.

Because that’s where your life is.  It’s on the other side of coming up against your walls and having the courage to knock them down and deal with what’s behind them.  It’s the courage to let go.  To believe in yourself, even when others don’t.  It’s the ability to celebrate, even the smallest of lessons and successes, because success really is about the 2mm things adding up – not just the biggest things, ya know?

Let go of what holds you back.  Don’t let other people’s bullshit rain on your parade.  Get on your float and own yourself.  Thank the people who showed up for you, who stood by you even when you were at your worst, your lowest.  Focus on the good cause life’s too short to give your power and energy to anything other than those who love you and your dreams.  Don’t ignore the bad, it’s not about blinders.  Just cut it and move on and don’t give it more attention than that.

Focus on what you want, look for the support that you have, look for people who believe in you, step into you highest vision of yourself and your life and watch it unfold… who knows, when you let go of the outcome, it could end up better than you ever imagined!

Now – if you could pick up a copy of my book – these lessons and so many others are included in the pages of the journey home to who I really am – a journey that you get to take with me as you turn each page. You can pre-order until October 17, 2018. https://publishizer.com/unchained-1

Tonya

PS… if you’d like help with working through your own stuff – feel free to book a discovery call with me so we can chat about working together ->Schedule Appointment

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