We all want things. But we don’t always make room for the things we really want. We try to wait until we have it, then walk away from what’s not right for us. But that’s not how it works.
Throughout this wild crazy ride of life, of unpacking the not me, trauma and life experiences that led me to be someone I wasn’t, reclaiming parts of me that I lost, redefining my experience, one of the constant lessons is we have to surrender, to create space, to open fully in order to receive.
I am relentlessly challenged with this, even though I know it. We cannot create a positive life with a negative mind, we cannot find Mr/Mrs Right if we’ve engaging with Mr Wrong. We cannot find abundance and wealth while we’re talking about lack. We cannot create the life we really want while we’re hanging onto the one we don’t. We can’t get healthy while binging on doritos (sadness, I know).
Change is hard. When you create change you literally are changing the way you meet your needs. Change is hard, then messy, then beautiful. It’s a process and not one most people can do alone until they’ve mastered change. Even then being part of a group, community, having a coach, teacher, healer is key to the process and the journey, to shorten your learning curve, to awaken to things you didn’t know, see, couldn’t feel.
As we grow up, we are conditioned to be pleasing, good, nice, often at a cost of ourselves. We are conditioned to do what we should, to live a safe life, to choose the sensible life. For those not born for that, we have to lose a part of ourselves, shut it down, turn it off and consistently condition ourselves that it won’t work, we can’t do it, it’s stupid.
Those beliefs become the foundations of our lives.
And in order to change we have to smash those foundations. It can create a free fall. Mine sure did but I help me clients transition far more beautifully than mine was! We meet our needs through language, addictions, patterns, habits. These are not always healthy (hence the suffering we feel) but they work.
Changing them means we aren’t meeting our needs. And not meeting our needs means uncovering the truths that we have buried. The denying of our emotions, the truth, the experiences…
This can make us so uncomfortable we want to run away. Or run back to bad habits. Hello, ever wonder why you “can’t” on a diet? Ever quit and start something over and over and over again? Ever tell yourself going to do xyz and don’t? Then berate yourself for not? Then keep doing it?
Filling our lives and our space with stuff, behaviours, patterns, people, jobs, things that don’t matter is a way to keep ourselves in this space of conditioned knowing. False certainty that doesn’t give you certainty, but gives you the illusion of it. Like food makes you feel good but it doesn’t really cause you hate yourself for it later… but that pattern makes you feel false certainty.
Creating space, giving things up before something else takes it’s place -ahem, like that shitty relationship you keep dreaming about ending but aren’t doing anything about – means you have to give up what’s been meeting your needs, even if it’s meeting them in a shitty way.
Without proper awareness, without reconditioning, without understanding the risk of you going back, filling that space with the same thing or something equally uninspiring (quit smoking start eating, quit eat, start overspending). Until the root of the problem is dealt with, the issue with keep returning.
Hence why it’s critical to create the space. You heard me, it’s critical to create the space. You will not be able to draw into your life the things you want, health, wealth, happiness, personal power, fun, new job, better relationship, etc until you create space for it. When you create space for it, you will be forced to see what’s there because it will present itself immediately.
See, what’s filling up what you really want is the conditions you’ve accepted, the settling you’ve done, the denying and the pretending you’ve done. The world we’ve created doesn’t allow for or account for the human spirit. It doesn’t allow for the soul. The soul, the creativity, the want you really want to do “doesn’t pay the bills” “is stupid” “doesn’t fit in”… yet your soul longs for it.
But you’ve listened to the preconceived beliefs by someone before you. I did, too. They tell you why it won’t work, what you can and can’t do, they plant seeds of doubt and you water those seeds…before you know it you’ve grown a garden, a life, that doesn’t fullfill you.
You settled. You gave up. You didn’t stay the course. And most people agreed with you. It’s too hard. It’s too long. No one wants it. No one loves it. You need to do what’s best for you, your family. What that really means is “do what everyone else is doing“. Give up, give in, move on.
To do that, you have to silence yourself, your soul, to shut down, to lock it away. I believe that’s why our world is in crisis. Too many people are living lives that don’t inspire them, doing to jobs they hate, sleeping with people they barely like… all to avoid being alone, to avoid the uncertainty of following dreams, too fearful of it all going wrong instead of awakening to more, instead of focusing on what can go right.
Hearts closed. Dreams killed.
Then we wonder why so many people are struggling and unhappy? We’re disconnected from the truth of who we are and why we’re here. We’re disconnected from the earth and see ourselves on the earth not of the earth. We are disconnected from the soul, our soul, our purpose, our passion, our life’s journey and we settle.
And every day you are settling, you are accepting a piece of baggage to sit in the space of what you really want, what you’re really called for, what really speaks to you, what lights you up, what awakens you, what you long for…
That’s what the wild is about to me, the wild is a place inside of you, a place underneath the garbage, under the settling, the negative thinking, the not showing up for yourself, the settling.
The wild is a knowing, a longing, a desire to do more than exist, a wake up and an awareness. It’s the place, when you find it, that when you land there, that you know, you find your deepest truth, your inner power, your vibrancy.
It’s the place where you remember who you are, what you’re capable of, what you know, what you trust. It’s a place where you snatch back your power from not-enough-ville and you stand in the truest, biggest, boldest expression of yourself.
It’s the place where you stop flattening yourself for the wrong relationship, where you stop settling for shitty jobs, where you stop giving away your magnificence for a diet. It’s a place where you know you.
And that can only happen when you open the space, clear the space, create the space so you release what holds you back, release the limits, the beliefs, the stories, the experiences that have caused you to give up yourself, to trade yourself, where you can reclaim the lost parts of you and redefine your experience as you remember who you are.
That’s why you create the space. So you stop pretending and start living the life you really want, not one you settled for.