It’s one the most challenging lessons I’ve learned, continue to learn, and usually learn the hard way – by NOT believing who they are.
I can walk my life and list the times I’ve believed in someone, the times I’ve convinced my mind that my gut was wrong, the times I believed, and wanted to believe, the words that came out of someone’s mouth that were opposite of the vibration they gave off.
I wanted to be wrong about them. I told myself I was. I wanted to believe the promises they were dishing out. I wanted to believe I meant more to them.
You know. You’ve been there too. We all have. We have that moment of instinct, of knowing, of being unsure, and we push it away. We push it away for various reasons. We tells ourselves “everyone loves them” “it’s just me” “maybe I’m jealous” “Maybe I can’t get along with others” “I’m just scared because of …”
I mean, really, hindsight is 20/20 for a reason. We have clear vision looking back and realized to see that red flags were not merely garnish. Red flags were there for a reason. But either we have no idea what a red flag means, we have no boundaries, don’t know how to say no, or in my case are afraid it’s us, we are afraid we are the problem and we do not trust ourselves, have no idea how to believe the inner messages we are receiving.
Looking back it’s always easier to say “Oh, I felt something was off, I should have explored it”. Instead we convince ourselves to move forward. We convince ourselves that if everyone else loves someone it has to be us. But those red flags, those nagging doubts, those fears, that uncertainty isn’t there for no reason. Yes, of course, we have to explore our trauma’s and our conditioning to make sure it’s not that sending lies to us about things to keep us held back.
Once we know how to do that, it’s easier to get clarity to know if you’re being given a red light for stop or a green light for go. Even a yellow is yield for a reason.
Most of us have learned to give up ourselves for others, for what we think we want, for what we think we need. But giving up ourselves always comes at a cost of ourselves. That should seem like common sense, but in the moments of trading our authentcity, in the moments of having to walk away from a career, a relationship, a friendship, even family, it can be difficult to do.
More of than not we will trade parts of ourselves, our truth, what we know, what we believe, we will silence the voices that tell us something is wrong to stay in places we don’t belong with people we don’t belong to. Our intuition gives us red lights to ask us to pause, to stop, to ask better questions and get better answers.
If we weren’t so afraid of being alone, being wrong, or being rejected, we wouldn’t be so afraid of that gut instinct that tells us to leave, walk away, to cut our losses, to be ok being alone, to be ok starting over. We wouldn’t be so afraid of having it all fall down and apart and losing.
Because if it’s not right for us, what are we really losing?
In the end, I’ve come to understand, after too many blunders of not listening to my inner guidance, that what we would have lost is years of wrong moves, years at the wrong tables, years of gas lighting, abuse, manipulation, trading ourselves.
What we would have lost was not meant for us.
What we really lose when we don’t listen is our integrity, our own belief in ourselves, our own self worth, our own knowing and faith in ourselves. When we don’t listen to the whispers, they get louder until they are screams. Until we cannot ignore them anymore and we wake up, in the wrong life, with an inate knowing that we aren’t where we are meant to be, that what we lost by convincing ourselves to go forward was the place we were supposed to be.
Imagine having a chance to look now at the other outcomes had you chosen differently? Imagine where your life would be today had you listened sooner and acted faster. Where would your life be today? I don’t implore that to feel bad because we can’t change the past but we can use the past as a guidepost so we don’t keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
When we can look back with 20/20 vision and see where we went wrong, then we can use that information to start going right. Decisions shape our destiny and in the moment we know, it’s those moments we must grab onto, those moments that awaken us to our greatest destiny to be more, to do more, to live more and to do it authentically as ourselves.
We each have tickets to where we are meant to be and where we are meant to go.
When we allow people, places, things and circumstances to hold us back, when we stay with the wrong people, do the wrong things, convince ourselves that we need to do this or that because… we are gaslighting ourselves into waiting until…
Not all people are right for us. We don’t have to demonize them. Not all careers are right for us. We don’t have to demonize it. Not all places are right for us, we don’t have to demonize them.
When we hang onto what we know because we are afraid of the unknown, that is where we convince ourselves of the stuff people tell us, the things we want to believe, and that is where we miss the boat to where we were supposed to go.
The good news is you don’t have to waste another minute. Even if you don’t know what is next or who is next or you haven’t yet replaced what is next for you, saying no and leaving what is no longer right for you will allow you find your own path to the people and places you are meant to be.
When we don’t listen to the red flags we end up in the wrong places. When we listen to them, we end up in the right places.
And often that means allowing space to exist between the not anymore and not yet. And that is the most uncomfortable for us. If we’re honest with ourselves, we stay with people, jobs, and in places that have outgrown our lives because we don’t know what’s next. We’re afraid nothing will take it’s place.
But when we are brave enough to listen, to make the space, only then can we know what’s right and next for us.
When people and places and things show us the truth, listen to it.
PS… support the book Unchained -> https://www.wildsoul.ca/unchainedbook